She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
