it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
