We won't sleep together?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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