There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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