I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
