My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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