You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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