Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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