lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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