We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
