I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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