well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think my moral compass just broke
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
