Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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