You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
