Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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