Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
