If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
