Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
