We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
