3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize