i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
