im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think people are normalizing furries
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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