I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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