I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You're like the curious george of whores
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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