chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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