grandma shit on top of the toilet
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
