ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
