:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
