i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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