I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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