Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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