Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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