my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
