What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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