The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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