life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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