so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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