I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
