I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize