Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
