The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This is the high leading the old right now
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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