I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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