I looked at my own cervix.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My penis needs a shock collar
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
