im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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