His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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