she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
