there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
