theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
