when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You are the jesus of drinking
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
