I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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