Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
