She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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