if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
