I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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