Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
