how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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