I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Sorry my hands just texted you
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Bring me that man meat
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i think i just lost a toe
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
