I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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