this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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