He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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