i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
No subtext here. People are naked.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
