Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
