EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
