So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
