farters have to be the big spoon...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
