I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
