The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
