The maid of honor just puked.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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