Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
