i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I deserve this hangover.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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