They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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