two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
