Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
