Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
