I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
