take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
