mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
