i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
